thrashing in the wake of a ship long gone

her pale body is sinking

she’s sinking and sinking and sinking

she drives as fast as she can and tastes the air

of the city and she feels alive


she runs 

so her legs look toned and she can’t breathe

but she can live or become alive or not

and her legs and her legs and her legs burn

and crumple and thrash in the waves of the


she sits in a crowd of bodies and they scream

and laugh and she is alone so alone and she

laughs too

and she runs because she’s alive she’s dead

she’s me she’s dead she cries in her daddy’s


and crimson tears fall down her cheeks and

her arms 

her arms aren’t hers but nothing is hers

a little red camera flashes but the camera is

gone now and so is her beauty

and she chokes on the saltwater but she’s

used to it now

she’s drowning and she’s coughing and she’s

dead and she’s me and she hurts

but she smiles and she laughs because the

bodies are laughing again

she speaks but

who is she

she’s me


ps – i’m safe and i’m ok. a few people reached out to me because they were worried – don’t take the words in this poem literally. being trans sucks but i’ll be ok.

pps – i had to change the formatting of this poem so that it would work on mobile. if you want to see the original formatting, click here

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